Looking for the best Dad Jokes , funny dad jokes. Read and share with friends, relative and social media also. Thanks
best dad jokes
—#1—
I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.
—#2—
Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!
Best Dad Jokes
- Top 20+ Motivational framed quotes
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—#3—
Today, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Dad Jokes
—#4—
What rock group has four men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
—#5—
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
—#6—
What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
—#7—
My son screeched, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?” What a strange way to start a conversation with me…
—#8—
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
—#9—
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
—#10—
Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
—#11—
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
—#12—
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can’t remember… I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife…
Funniest Dad Jokes
—#13—
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit? Floss Vegas.
—#14—
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
—#15—
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
—#16—
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
—#17—
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
Dad Jokes
—#18—
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter’s car seat with one hand and said, “How do one armed mothers do it?” Without missing a beat I replied, “Single handedly.”
—#19—
You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.
—#20—
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
—#21—
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
—#22—
CASHIER: “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?” DAD: “No, just leave it in the carton!’”
—#23—
SERVER: “Sorry about your wait.” DAD: “Are you saying I’m fat?”
—#24—
KID: “Dad, make me a sandwich!” DAD: “Poof, you’re a sandwich!”
—#25—
A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, “How long have you suffered from that condition?” The guy tells him, “Since next Monday.”
—#26—
GRANDPA: I have a ‘dad bod’, DAD: To me it’s more like a father figure.
—#27—
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
—#28—
KID: “Hey, I was thinking…” DAD: “I thought I smelled something burning.”
—#29—
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
—#30—
Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
—#31—
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
—#32—
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
—#33—
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
—#34—
Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
—#35—
MOM: “How do I look?” DAD: “With your eyes.”
—#36—
My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
—#37—
When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
—#38—
What’s black and white and goes around and around? A penguin in a revolving door.
—#39—
Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
—#40—
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire.
